May His Face Shine Upon You

The past year has been a whirlwind of glorious events. A tad bit complicated to put into human words, but the end result always makes enormous sense. What a beautiful picture life is - as the greatest artist known to man -- the one who holds creation in His hands, is the one painting ours.

Like an artist knows the picture he has in mind before the first stroke of the brush, only God knows what the future holds in the picture He is painting of our life. 

I recently gave a devotional to a group I was leading and I felt I had so much more to say to them but only a small amount of time to convey the point that God was trying to make as I shared with them James 1:2 (“Consider it all joy, my brethren when you encounter various trials….”) so I just had to put it all into writing.

It’s commonly said that you are either heading into a storm, you’re in the middle of a storm, or you’re coming out of a storm. That’s life and it’s true for everyone who’s ever lived it. Whether we can detect any of those three segments or not, right now it is certain that we are all living in one of these events! I think I can speak for most people if I were to say that “coming out of the storm” would be the number one choice of where we would all like to be, but you can’t deny the beauty of a storm and all of its Glory!

My close friend and I had been going through separate storms together. These storms, although extremely different in nature, had one standard ground that kept us from drifting apart in the strong winds – one common denominator that reminded us of why we were there.  The solid Rock that never moved, was never shaken, and girded us with strength as the enemy tried to destroy – was none other than our Lord and Savior. 

I find it amazing how God places people, things, and situations perfectly into our lives. We can’t clearly see or understand the foreshadowing of it but always smile when we realize the end result. I love how God does that. He has a way of leaving us with a smile on our face after His mission is accomplished and that is the true joy of a believer.

Last Sunday, my husband spoke on seeking God’s face, not just His hand in our lives.

We are always asking for God’s hand in every situation, for his mercy, for his blessing, but one thing we lack as a society especially in American culture is seeking God’s face.  Truly seeking Him on our knees in prayer is really something that can’t be found in the calming sweetness of life. Seeking Him is not something we naturally do as human beings.  We are fleshly, and we personally have free will, but God has the final say and controls all of our surroundings.  It is He who gives the enemy permission to attack us and it is He who gives us the strength and power to pull through anything and it can only be done in His name. It all belongs to Him! He is the Artist, He is the great Creator – the One who tells the seas to part, waters to fall, winds and storms to arise! The mountains in our life tremble when his presence is near.

As my friend and I journeyed through our separate storms together – we cried tears, shared laughter, prayed many prayers, and dissected scripture – all of which were so pertinent in getting us through. We likened our learning experience to a diamond with many facets, rich with so much beauty to bestow.  Isn’t that just how God is? We told each other time and time again that nothing in life could match up with this great intimacy with God. He was teaching us so much and we were seeing Him in every single thing that we experienced. He was holding our hands as we were seeking His face. In the midst of this storm the most precious times of the day were found filling up on the Word of God and giving the Holy Spirit full reign in our lives. We would joke that we had an addiction. Yes, an addiction to God and our time spent with Him. I remember my 6 year old making the comment, “Mom, all you talk about all the time is God!” She seemed frustrated but I smiled knowing she really didn’t know Him yet, but her time would come. One thing was for sure, she knew He was a friend of mine and very important to me.

Here in the present I long for that again. I still seek Him, I still digest His word, but the storm has past, and the calming has now come. I remember feeling that my storm was almost over and I expressed to my friend how it kind of made me sad that the journey was coming to an end for me, she agreed and empathized with this deviating feeling. It wasn’t the ugly storm I was going to miss, obviously. It was knowing that the precise closeness to God and daily dwelling in His presence may not quite be the same in the days to come. This made me sad and lonesome for heaven.

I love how God held my hand through the storm. I love how He continued to reveal Himself to me.  But most of all I love how He did it all to get me to the next step I needed to take.  Just as a parent eventually lets go of the back of their child’s bike so he can take off on two wheels all by himself – our Heavenly Father gives us the training wheels we need until its time to let go and send us on.  He doesn’t go anywhere – His presence is still hovering over us – the only difference is that now, He has given His child the ability to spread His wings just a little further than before. God is allowing us to see the world in an entirely different way, with different set of eyes, with much more wisdom and understanding.

We experience a unique closeness to our Creator that can only be experienced in the midst of a storm.  He revealed Himself to me in a way that was so powerful that the very memory of it is embedded into my mind, soul, and spirit – never to be forgotten. This left me with more faith, more power and more strength to make it through the next storm whatever it may be. So consider it all joy my friend… and when those storms in life come….May His Face Shine Upon You!

Season Four- Six- Eight!!!

Each stage of child raising has its challenges, I loved my babies being babies, but right now I have to say that their current ages happen to be mine and Brandon's favorite season! So independent these little boogers have become yet still little enough to be cute and kind of innocent...sort'a kind of:)

Park Party of 5 had an amazing summer! We didn't really do anything wild and crazy like that of the previous summer,  buying and renovating a house, but sure enjoyed every moment of our family time together. The highlights would have to be Austin getting up on Ski's and Ainsley taking off with swimming and learning to ride her bike without training wheels! I cant leave Ava out... well she just continues to make us proud to be her parents. Her and lil sis Ainsley became the best of friends and decided they wanted me to combine their rooms so they could share bunk beds. It makes my heart melt to see how much they love each other. I pray it continues through the years, although realistically I know there will be those times when they will want to kill each other. 

School has started and Ainsley is my last one home. Ive decided to relish in this last year with her by keeping her home from pre-school and dropping the part time job...This was really not a difficult decision to make seeing how fast the last 8 years zipped by.  I know next year I'll have all the time in the world to work or do whatever it is the Lord is leading me to do once my world completely changes and all three A's get swallowed up by the little brick school building where they will spend a good chunk of their childhood...

In the morning after waving goodbye to Austin and Ava on the bus, Ainsley and I go for a bike ride for her PE of the day:)  She rides and I run. She is a great little rider and does well staying on the side walk except for this one day. I was shortly behind her and was at that, "sweet spot" of my run. For the non- runners, thats the mile where your legs just carry you, there's no pain, no cramps or breathing issues, just endorphines being released and a blissful breeze as the pace is just right to go with the beat of the song coming through the earbuds in perfect rhythmic harmony.  Meanwhile, bike rider Ainsley had somehow for a split second lost focus and was heading straight for a pole that wasn't even on our trail..! I saw it happening only milla-seconds before and was unable to prevent her crash into the dead center of the very large pole. As soon as I saw she was ok, I couldn't hold it in...I had to laugh, because it was so darn funny, and something only a child with Carrie Ann Park's DNA could do. I actually laughed a couple times throughout the day. It was just so unexpected and I really don't know why in all of our rides, her bike has never reared off into the grass, but this one time it did, there just happened to be a giant pole sticking up out of the grass. Its like a magnetic force was pulling her towards it.

After my laughter calmed down and I returned back into my running mode I started thinking of how much that pole placed before Ainsley is just like the obstacles God places before us in life. Things can be going so smoothly but at that moment when we feel the reflection of God's face shining down on us and everything seems perfect and peaceful, BOOM we run into a giant plank that throws us off our current path and out of our comfort zone, requiring us to brush it off, refocus, get back on the ride of life and start again. Could the pole have been avoided had Ainsley been more focused and paying attention? Sure, but thats the thing about life, God doesn't present these little obstacles to us when we are entirely focused on Him, seeking His face in all we do, and gripping tightly to His hand just to make it through each day. The obstacles come when we have our guard down, and it can be anything from a temptation from the devil, to a hiccup that keeps us from pursuing something that God just doesn't have in His plan for our life.

 I love how Ainsley cried for a couple seconds, mainly due to embarrassment, but then got right back up and started riding again! Thats what God expects of His children as well, so many of us give up before we actually make it to the finish line, but if we faithfully allow him to carry us through, then we will see the glorious unfolding of what he has set before us. Life is hard, some of those bumps are more like mountains, but with each mountain we climb, God brings us closer to Him, more like Him and better equipped to help fulfill the Great Commission of Christ and purpose for why we are here in the first place! God loves us and he doesn't want to see us fail thats why he sent His son to die for our failures and sins so that we can have a relationship with Him! That relationship is what God desires of us the most. He wants our full undivided attention because He's up to something all the time and if we're not paying attention, praying fervently, and in the Word, we will miss it!! 

Tid Bits from Above

    Hello blog friends! I feel like I have taken a very long siesta from blogging, but I'mmm backkk!! My blogs may have a different twist to them this time around but I look forward to sharing with everyone some ways God has been speaking to my heart! Lately I have taken advantage of the "notes" app on my iPhone. This way when I have a thought or word from God I can record it not to be forgotten! Heres a sneak peak thats short and sweet!  So glad to be out of my writer's block and back to blog life!!
 
     God has a plan for each of our lives if we choose to do Gods will. The devil also has a plan for your life. A plan to destroy. What we need to do as Christians is be one step ahead of the devil, be on guard for what that plan may be... Flee it, seek God for help and you will and can conquer sin! In this, God will be glorified and your life quality will be enhanced. But you must be wise and be watching at all times. The devil wont make it obvious it will be what you least expect..But sometimes it may be something you always knew in the back of your mind. Stay in the word. Pray fervently. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Be waiting and watching for His return always!

    Yes, this is certainly some deep food for thought, but I will have a wide range of writings and some comical reads as well.

A Journey of Prayer

Too much time has passed by since I last had the inspiration and the mental focus to sit down and display the recent trail of events taken place in our lives! In this entry I am going to attempt to unravel just a few highlighted events from the amazing prayer journey we ventured out on six months ago to seek God's perfect will for the life and future of our family.

In December Brandon and I began to feel somewhat of a release from our ministry in Miami at Wayside Baptist Church. Im really at a loss for words to explain what prompted that feeling. And why both Brandon and I both felt it simultaneously, but regardless of what it was, it put us on our knees in prayer, for the will of God to be made crystal clear as  to where we needed to be in life.

One of the first things we felt the need to do was put our house on the market. We really didn't feel it would sell, due to all of the other foreclosed homes that had been surrounding us for months but we wanted to get a head start so if the right buyer came along we would be ready and available. Well, after being on the market for only 4 days, at its appraised value, we had our first viewer, who following his visit to our home instantly wanted to buy. (Sounds funny that we would feel prompted to sell our house when we didnt even have a place to go. Had we turned in our intelligence for the looney bin or was God up to something?)This was a shocker to us as only one could imagine! We were excited, but at the same time needed a place to go depending on when this man would need to move in. Our only option would be to rent a home with short term lease agreement when that time arrived. Of course this was only if that time fell short of our time here in Miami.

We continued to witness numerous confirmations in our lives that told us our time here in Miami was nearing an end. There were other churches brought to our attention, but nothing clear and confirming from God. Today it seems so incredibly hard to make such a huge life-changing decision that requires wisdom and discernment, and waiting on the Lord. I admire Brandon for how patient he was in this process. We leaned on each other and leaned on God more than ever before. At times we became utterly frustrated and at those moments we just wanted God to drop a sign from heaven saying this is exactly what you need to do and where you need to go. I remember Brandon and I both breaking one morning before he headed into work. As we buried our heads in each others arms we fell to our knees and cried out to God a need for confirmation and clarity beyond our understanding. We didnt want to make a mistake and choose the wrong path due to our own fleshly desire but only what God desired for our lives. In other words, we didn't want "options" from God, we wanted closed doors, one direct path, and a clear answer, so clear that there was no possible way we could be making a mistake.

On May 21st Brandon received a call from the head of the search committee at FBR. It was later in the evening when he got home, the AAA's had already gone to bed. He walked in the house and told me about a call he just received from Kansas City, Missouri. He had a look of pleasant peace on his face that was so soothing to my heart as he told me, I think this is it! I listened as he shared his prior phone conversation with me. We went on line and checked out the church's website along with some views and facts about the Kansas City area. I went to bed and slept so well that night but Brandon was too intrigued to sleep. He stayed up doing further research on the church and its website and in his research he came across a picture of the church. He couldn't believe his eyes as when he recognized the picture. It was a picture he had used 6 years ago for a doctoral class at Liberty. He used it for the front cover of his Church ministry portfolio. Never knowing the name of this church or anything about it, he just happened to like the looks of it and just happened to place it as the front cover of his portfolio. He laughed at the thoughts of it. I couldn't believe he didn't come wake me up instantly to tell me this, instead he waited until morning.

Our Journey of Prayer continued only slightly different this time. God was giving us confirmation after confirmation. The peace and sovernty of God was pouring down on us like a rainstorm in Missouri after a season of drought. After our second trip to Kansas City we entered into the final process of being voted in. In a church the size of FBR it is almost unheard of to receive a unanimous vote, but God continued to give us what we wanted up until the last moment of our visit. In that moment, we were ushered out to a crowd of people to find they had voted us in unanimously to come be a part of their family at First Baptist Raytown. This was such an overwhelming feeling of conformation and completion, that I cant even begin to describe exactly how we and the search committee were feeling that night, but I know it was all from God and He answered our prayers indeed!

People, Politics, and Our God Given Rights

There are times I am inspired to write but I don't, and then there are time when I am just caught up in a wonderful moment thats just too amazing to even express with words ( those moments almost always involving my triple A's ;-)... Well this is one of those times I've been inspired to write and so that I will do. I have a lot of passion behind what I am going to write about, so bare with me as I may carry on for quite a while, (on what some may call) "touchy subjects"!

I was recently invited to a prayer breakfast with guest speaker Janet Huckabee (wife of Gov. Mike Huckabee). I had prior plans to attend my weekly BSF class, but decided this would be an excusable absence from the class with such a strict attendance policy. Some may chuckle as BSF is only a bible study, but it is not just a bible study, but an intense in depth study of God's word that thousands of women all over the world come together one day a week, not to socialize, discuss church politics, or current politics for that matter, but to learn more from the Book that was written for us to use as our map and guide in this gracious life we were given. So yes, it kind of was a big deal to skip:) I accepted the invitation and responded to the RSVP, changing my Wednesday morning plans.

As I excitedly entered into the building where I was soon to meet one of my favorite Christian leader's wives, I found myself sitting at a table of strangers. Among them was a 19 year old girl named Zoya, who introduced herself, displaying a very Russian accent. We all carried on introducing ourselves, but centered in on Zoya, who began to share with us how Russia was a Godless society.  I was immediately intrigued by her as I love to hear about other cultures and people's stories of how they came here, and especially how they came to know Christ in spite of communism! I could tell by her talk she was a Christian and asked her where and how did she learn about Jesus and she told me it was in an orphanage. Her parents, young brother and older sister had died in a car accident when she was three, so she and her twin brother were sent to an orphanage. I was instantly burdened at the thoughts of this but I knew this story would only get better as the happy ending was sitting, in person, right before my very eyes! She asked me If I had heard of Samaritans Purse, and the Christmas shoe boxes. Of course I had! We shopped for three orphans last year and placed a picture of each of our A's in each box. She told me how Samaritans Purse is only allowed to come to the orphanage twice in a life time, but each time they present the gospel. The first time she did not accept Christ, maybe because of fear, maybe because she wasn't ready, but the seed was planted and the second time when they came she prayed, giving her heart and life to the Lord! In her prayer she requested for a family in America to adopt her and her twin brother soon so they could worship the ONE true God in a God honoring country. (He will give you the desires of your heart, when He is what your heart desires!...Just one of my all time favorite quotes I had to slip in there) Back to her story. Six weeks later, her and her brother were adopted to a family in Missouri.

Tears flooded my eyes as this 19 year old told her astounding story with little to no emotion herself. What was really heart wrenching was her mentioning how those gifts were the only two they had ever received while at the orphanage. She said it was so important that we put a picture in it, because each orphan would take that picture ( if they got one) and place it over their bed to remind them that someone really does care and someone loved them enough to send them a present. What a perfect entrance to display the knowledge and truth that there is also someone who loved them (these orphans) enough to die for them and the shoebox is how we as Christians, "little-Christ's" are able to exemplify just a very very small attribute of His love for mankind. For me, this young lady's story took the significance of Operation Christmas Child to another level. Sometimes we do things so routinely that you have to wonder, is it really making a difference? Well on this day I couldn't help but walk away thinking, the little things that we do that sometimes can seem so small and quaint for the cause of Christ, in the end, work together for His Kingdom in a very big way!

In speaking of Christian love, I don't want to forget about another testimony I was privileged to witness while attending this event. This one is very different, but I am going to tie the two together in the end. Mrs. Huckabee called a lady to come to the microphone and share her story and testimony. This lady was a little hesitant, but she went up and began to speak. She was a victim of abortion. She had aborted her baby years ago and since has had two beautiful little girls. She talked about how God has forgiven her, but is reminded often throughout her life of the missing person that isn't there to share life with the remainder of her family. What an emotional yet brave thing for her to get up in front of so many and share her story without holding back. I made my way to talk to this lady after it was over, and told her about a memorial service we held at our church in Miami. This was for all of the babies who had lost their lives and the hurting moms who were suffering with the memory of what was allowed to happen. I expected this woman to say she has heard of this sort of thing, but tears came to her quickly as she said she never had and how amazing that would be to have an opportunity for closure. She told me that in the past she had thought republicans hated her for what she had done, but it wasn't until she met Todd Akin who approached her in a very loving and accepting manner, that she realized we only see them as a victims of this holocaust. This woman, who is a believer now, said she will deal with the consequences of this for the rest of her life, but she has peace knowing she will see her baby one day in heaven, and God has forgiven her. People are so deceived when what they think is a right or a choice, is the very thing robbing them of the CHOICE...the choice should come when the baby arrives. Every mom should have a chance to look her baby in the eye and decide whether or not she wants to keep her baby or give it up to a family in need.  What is so hard about that? There is no killing involved and a family gets blessed while another is relieved of the responsibilities of being a parent. There are so many couples wanting to adopt, and have so many hurdles to climb in their efforts to do so. I even know of some who have spent $35,000 dollars in this process. In spite of what they spent, that adopted child is priceless to them.  How is it possible that in the same country where the demand for babies is so high, thousands of babies are being killed everyday? We sure are one blinded society.

Both of these woman I was so privileged to meet and hear stories from bring together my two biggest reason's for why I am voting Romney-Ryan this coming election. A godless society says it all when Zoya spoke of socialist Russia and what she knows and has experienced to be true there. If we continue in this direction, I'm soon not going to be able to post blogs using the name of Christ. Our freedoms will be stripped away from us piece by piece and God's hand of protection will strongly be lifted away from us as a nation. I don't think there really is an answer for all of the mess we are in, but if we continue in this blinded chaotic spiral to destruction, it will only get much much worse. Our children will only dream of life as we once knew it and our country will no longer be the special sought-after land it once was. Yes, we need to take care of our planet. Yes, we need to help others in rightful need. But no, we do not and cannot do it right without God... One Nation Under God...Obama, you can work towards taking away our freedoms, but I will die before allowing you to rob my family of my Faith. 

If You Can't Beat 'em, Join 'em!

This year we made the big decision to keep Austin out of school and teach him all that he needs to know as a 5 year old from our very own home. It has been quite a roller coaster ride to say the least. I planned and prepared, researched and questioned, the year prior to my decision in an effort to be sure I was doing the right thing for Austin and the rest of the family. I will say that the first few weeks I was very doubtful, but as time went on and I learned more about my son, it became very clear and evident that we had made the right choice for him.

Everything was all new and experimental for me as I stumbled about trying to teach Austin with a regimented schedule that seemed ideal for myself to "get it over with,"  but with Austin, I should know you don't try to get anything "over with" in a hurry. If only Brandon had warned me about this trait that he obviously inherited from him:-)

After tweaking and adjusting my daily plans and goals for him, little by little, light bulbs came on for Austin, and I began to reap the rewards of my efforts! He was actually learning from me! Nothing is more frustrating than trying to teach something to someone who's little mind can't grasp the concept of what you are trying to convey. At first I worried that Austin had some kind of a disability but learned that he needed to chew on things for a while before absorbing it into his mind.  I do think he has a touch of ADHD which comes by him naturally as both of his parents have it. Obviously we are not medicated for this, but I do need to get Brandon on something....:-) Not really, Brandon's fine, he just has a lot going on up there. For example;  The other day I asked Brandon why it takes him so long to answer me when I ask him a simple question at the dinner table, and this was his reply: "My mind works like a computer and when I have too many files opened it makes the processing speed slower, hence causing a delay in the answers to your questions." Ok... that made perfect sence...?? :-) I replied, "Well, from now on, close out all of your files up there before you come to the dinner table."

I love Brandon, I really do. Its funny to look back at the first few years of our marriage and see how far we've come. One thing that I have learned in the past seven years, is that some things can never be changed in a person, and when it comes to those things, you just have to learn to live with them, and be happy, because some battles just aren't meant to have a winner and If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. This little phrase reminds me of something that happened this past week.

Ainsley Grace, the youngest of the A's, always gets fingers pointed at her when something mischievous has taken place, and the evidence left behind is nothing short of a disastrous picture displaying some fun had by some one. The first time Austin and Ava ever blamed their mess on Lil Sis, all I could do was laugh. Ainsley was so quick to reply "I did it," after hearing her name out of the mouths of her sibs, when asked by me "who did this?"  This blame game became quite popular with a pretty consistent answer every time I would enter into the scene with the same question-- until this one day--I was busy trying to cram and finish up some Christmas orders and finalizations so I could start my Christmas baking, when all of a sudden I hear extreme 'split your gut' laughing coming from the room beside me. As I entered into the room, in a pretty tense mood to begin with, I found that it had rained shredded cheddar cheese all over my living room floor. Of course my first response was. "WHO DID THIS?" In high-pitched giggles Austin and Ava point to their baby sister.  Ainsley, expecting to hear a light hearted response from me, proudly admits, "I did it!" Funny thing is,  I did not respond in the way she thought I would and as I began to scold her, she quickly turned on her brother and sister by saying "Austin did...Ava did..." As angry as I was, at this moment I lost it. I broke down laughing while looking at the disgruntled face portrayed on my pitiful 18 month old. This poor child is going to be so confused in determining what is right, what is wrong, and how to get a good laugh out of people. I tried not to laugh. I really did.  But she is just at such an incredibly cute age that I can't help but laugh at her crazy little antics. She learned from the best -- her little teachers, Austin and Ava.  At a very young age she has learned when it comes to sibling rivalry and getting the upper hand, if you cant beat 'em, join 'em, so she joined them in their blame game, and ironically it worked!  I love seeing the way all three of my AAA's minds are developing. They all have different gifts and wits about them that I hope they someday find in themselves and use in a positive light.

As the year comes to an end and I reflect on past events and happenings, I think one thing I can take with me from 2011 is, what you can learn through experience far outweighs what you learn from a book or a class, by leaps and bounds. From Developmental Psychology I remember a lot about stages of development in the human mind etc. but nothing that I retained in college can compare to what I have learned in the raising of my three very different children, uniquely made by the combination of two very different people's genes. Likewise in marriage, the books were greatly informative on what it could be like, but every couple is different and everyone is given a different hand of cards, that only they can truly know what to do with and make choices with. I know Brandon would agree with me in his field, as he has learned so much more pastoring a church in Miami than any seminary or degree could ever prepare him for.  Life is made up of experiences, good ones, bad ones, and some that can't be explained but I guess the goal is to learn and take what you can from each experience and make it a great day, year and life! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Park Party of 5! Hope 2012 is your best year yet!

Perfect Timing, Perfect Will, Relax, Take a Deep Breath And Chill:)

In everything there is a season, a time for having babies and a time for being done. A time for planting and a time for harvest. A time for fervent prayer and a time for answered prayer.  I haven't blogged in a while as some of you may know. Summer has quickly come and gone, and apart from the craziness of flying solo with three small children on a plane that was experiencing engine problems, we had a wonderful, eventful summer!  With two beautiful Maine weddings, a family vacation, and a couple days in Arcadia National Park (just hubs and I), you'd think I'd be inspired to write something interesting, but there really wasn't one particular thing that gave me any incentive to write. I was simply overwhelmed with thoughts, driving me straight into a writers block, lasting for a couple of months until recently...

 When it comes to my posts, I write mainly about my children. It brings me much joy when writing about my beloved three known as the (AAA)'s. I write to capture the memories that may one day slip my mind. I write to share the joy of living the beautiful God-given life of freedom through Jesus Christ, and raising them in a Christian home.  Lastly, I write to preserve the moments I have experienced that leave impressions on me as an individual, a mother and also on that of my husband and children.

Austin,  Ava Marie and Ainsley, bring so much life and love to mine and Brandon's world. We often ask ourselves, what would we do without any of them. Each one fits so perfectly into our family and we are reminded daily of how blessed we are. First thing in the morning usually one if not two little fuzzy blonde heads will appear next to our bed. Sometimes it catches me by surprise as I think I hear breathing and turn my head only to witness two black eyes looking straight into mine. Ava's just tall enough for her eyes to meet mine as she stands beside my bed giving me my morning wake up. If its Austin waking first, I usually will get a couple of blankets tossed on top of me prior to him hoisting himself up onto our bed to snuggle in between. For now,  Ainsley chills in her crib until I come get her. Soon she will join her sibs and be the third fuzzy head to show up next to our bed with yet another unique morning wakening.  We are reminded of how much we are blessed not only from the moment they wake us up in the wee hours of morning, but throughout the day and after the bedtime rush is over. When we flop down onto our favorite spots in the upstairs loft, we sigh a breath of relief knowing they're tucked in snug for another night. We reflect on their cute little phrases or happenings of the days events. I will share with Brandon when one did something naughty, but also share as much as I can remember that was incredibly cute. It is then that we laugh, smile and silently thank God for our beloveds. The three little humans sent down to us from up above to make our life the blessing that it is today.

We recently made the heartfelt and prayerful decision to stop bringing babies into the world. Brandon scheduled himself the surgery and without a doubt in our minds we ended the possibility of us ever having anymore children.  The decision to do this took longer for me to accept than him, but after assessing and realizing what it takes to invest quality time into each individual (A), it didnt take long for me to see that it was the right thing for us to do and if we were wrong and it needed to be tweaked, God still had control.

Our childbearing years have truly been an amazing experience for Brandon and I. My pregnancies have been healthy and fairly easy. My deliveries were even easier. Brandon calls it strange amnesia when I  forget so quickly of the pain I experienced during delivery and how eager I am to do it again as though it was a walk in the park. Those moments of meeting my babies face to face for the first time are three of the most precious memories ever to be imprinted in my mind.

A few days before Brandon's surgery, one little line threw us for a loop and put us on a wild roller coaster ride of feelings and emotions that we didn't know what do to with.  For about a week I had dreams and symptoms that I was pregnant, so we purchased a pregnancy test for when the time came. We wanted to have fast access, to ease our minds as soon as possible avoiding any unnecessary worry. That morning I woke up and knew I could no longer wait to find out what was going on with my body. I took a test that didn't work. It was a dud. It showed us nothing. I allowed it to give me peace of mind for most of the morning, as I took the kids to the playground where they had a great time playing and laughing until the black clouds brought it all to a halt, warning us to head home before the downpour.

With the rain falling down, the triple A's and I were destined for an afternoon in the confides of our living room. I found myself to be so sluggish and tired on this very day. This is very much out of my character so I thought it could quite possibly be an indication that something is not right.  After sitting on the floor for some time while the kids crawled all over me, giggling and playing, I began to feel very maternal and thought, "Gee, I haven't done this with my kids in a long time. I some times get so busy cleaning house, doing laundry and things pertaining to my life, that I forget to take the time just to sit and enjoy their playfulness." Along with that, I also thought, "This is what I'm like when I'm pregnant!...Ahhh!!" So I abandoned the kids in the living room and rushed upstairs to take the other test left in the box of two. When I did...I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES. It had a vague blue line perpendicular to the first solid blue line, creating a positive sign. How could this happen??? I was in shock. Austin asked me what was wrong and I told him in a shaky voice, "Nothing, mummies just about ready to have nervous breakdown." He looked at me strangely and decided not to attempt another shot at that question. I couldn't wait for Brandon to get home. I had to call him on the phone. I worried about him having an accident as he was in the car driving, but I was losing my mind just sitting waiting to tell him!  His immediate response was, " It can't be! I'm stopping and buying you another test." I explained to him what I always knew to be true and that was that the test can't be wrong if it shows the positive line. It can only be wrong if its negative in a case where the hCg hormone is not quite strong enough to show up. 

Brandon and I spent the whole evening and next day in shock.. So many thoughts running through our minds. How were we going to give them all the time and attention each rightfully deserved and needed?  How would we afford it?  How would we fly to visit family? One thought led to another. I had just begun to teach Zumba and was looking into it as a great second income to help pay for some upcoming expenses.  Unfortunately, I need my body for that and instead would be lending it to a little person for nine months plus!!  Brandon now had to consider putting not three but four kids through college.. and the the gender thought.... If it was another girl... that would mean three weddings! and oh the hormones! Too many females under one roof!! AHHHHHHH.  Then, like a slow walk down a very steep cliff we began to rationalize and realize that this baby was a gift.  A blessing from God. Another chicky to add to our nest of love. An answer to prayer from a question we had asked months ago discerning how many children we should have. We both always thought about how perfect it would be to have two of each and maybe this would be our second boy!

This was quite an event in our lives, but to make a long story short and turn it around 180 degrees, I'm not pregnant and not expecting a fourth child after all! After researching and looking into the possibilities of false positives, I decided to take another test. Just in case. Brandon was certain that it would be negative, but I was certain it was right the first time and would only confirm once again our news of a fourth child. Well, the test was negative and I couldn't believe it! We felt like a load of bricks had been lifted off of our shoulders and we had been given a second chance! I know, I know, it was just another baby, but as much as we smiled in accepting that it was a gift from God, we sure were happy to find that it was only a little humor from our Heavenly Father.

More than humor, after getting off of the emotional roller coaster of having our world a little shaken by an unplanned pregnancy, we were able to take a better look at our life, the way it is here and now and really appreciate every little thing about our family.  Now it seems as though each individual child has taken on a much stronger persona in knowing that Ainsley is our baby (the last), Ava Marie is our "middle child," and Austin is our "one and only" boy. Our enjoyment level of the AAA's has "tripled". We are now able to press on knowing that "this is it", so we need to pour all that we have into them and do all that we can to love them and point them towards Christ. And if we accomplish that, we can do no wrong.