Perfect Timing, Perfect Will, Relax, Take a Deep Breath And Chill:)

In everything there is a season, a time for having babies and a time for being done. A time for planting and a time for harvest. A time for fervent prayer and a time for answered prayer.  I haven't blogged in a while as some of you may know. Summer has quickly come and gone, and apart from the craziness of flying solo with three small children on a plane that was experiencing engine problems, we had a wonderful, eventful summer!  With two beautiful Maine weddings, a family vacation, and a couple days in Arcadia National Park (just hubs and I), you'd think I'd be inspired to write something interesting, but there really wasn't one particular thing that gave me any incentive to write. I was simply overwhelmed with thoughts, driving me straight into a writers block, lasting for a couple of months until recently...

 When it comes to my posts, I write mainly about my children. It brings me much joy when writing about my beloved three known as the (AAA)'s. I write to capture the memories that may one day slip my mind. I write to share the joy of living the beautiful God-given life of freedom through Jesus Christ, and raising them in a Christian home.  Lastly, I write to preserve the moments I have experienced that leave impressions on me as an individual, a mother and also on that of my husband and children.

Austin,  Ava Marie and Ainsley, bring so much life and love to mine and Brandon's world. We often ask ourselves, what would we do without any of them. Each one fits so perfectly into our family and we are reminded daily of how blessed we are. First thing in the morning usually one if not two little fuzzy blonde heads will appear next to our bed. Sometimes it catches me by surprise as I think I hear breathing and turn my head only to witness two black eyes looking straight into mine. Ava's just tall enough for her eyes to meet mine as she stands beside my bed giving me my morning wake up. If its Austin waking first, I usually will get a couple of blankets tossed on top of me prior to him hoisting himself up onto our bed to snuggle in between. For now,  Ainsley chills in her crib until I come get her. Soon she will join her sibs and be the third fuzzy head to show up next to our bed with yet another unique morning wakening.  We are reminded of how much we are blessed not only from the moment they wake us up in the wee hours of morning, but throughout the day and after the bedtime rush is over. When we flop down onto our favorite spots in the upstairs loft, we sigh a breath of relief knowing they're tucked in snug for another night. We reflect on their cute little phrases or happenings of the days events. I will share with Brandon when one did something naughty, but also share as much as I can remember that was incredibly cute. It is then that we laugh, smile and silently thank God for our beloveds. The three little humans sent down to us from up above to make our life the blessing that it is today.

We recently made the heartfelt and prayerful decision to stop bringing babies into the world. Brandon scheduled himself the surgery and without a doubt in our minds we ended the possibility of us ever having anymore children.  The decision to do this took longer for me to accept than him, but after assessing and realizing what it takes to invest quality time into each individual (A), it didnt take long for me to see that it was the right thing for us to do and if we were wrong and it needed to be tweaked, God still had control.

Our childbearing years have truly been an amazing experience for Brandon and I. My pregnancies have been healthy and fairly easy. My deliveries were even easier. Brandon calls it strange amnesia when I  forget so quickly of the pain I experienced during delivery and how eager I am to do it again as though it was a walk in the park. Those moments of meeting my babies face to face for the first time are three of the most precious memories ever to be imprinted in my mind.

A few days before Brandon's surgery, one little line threw us for a loop and put us on a wild roller coaster ride of feelings and emotions that we didn't know what do to with.  For about a week I had dreams and symptoms that I was pregnant, so we purchased a pregnancy test for when the time came. We wanted to have fast access, to ease our minds as soon as possible avoiding any unnecessary worry. That morning I woke up and knew I could no longer wait to find out what was going on with my body. I took a test that didn't work. It was a dud. It showed us nothing. I allowed it to give me peace of mind for most of the morning, as I took the kids to the playground where they had a great time playing and laughing until the black clouds brought it all to a halt, warning us to head home before the downpour.

With the rain falling down, the triple A's and I were destined for an afternoon in the confides of our living room. I found myself to be so sluggish and tired on this very day. This is very much out of my character so I thought it could quite possibly be an indication that something is not right.  After sitting on the floor for some time while the kids crawled all over me, giggling and playing, I began to feel very maternal and thought, "Gee, I haven't done this with my kids in a long time. I some times get so busy cleaning house, doing laundry and things pertaining to my life, that I forget to take the time just to sit and enjoy their playfulness." Along with that, I also thought, "This is what I'm like when I'm pregnant!...Ahhh!!" So I abandoned the kids in the living room and rushed upstairs to take the other test left in the box of two. When I did...I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES. It had a vague blue line perpendicular to the first solid blue line, creating a positive sign. How could this happen??? I was in shock. Austin asked me what was wrong and I told him in a shaky voice, "Nothing, mummies just about ready to have nervous breakdown." He looked at me strangely and decided not to attempt another shot at that question. I couldn't wait for Brandon to get home. I had to call him on the phone. I worried about him having an accident as he was in the car driving, but I was losing my mind just sitting waiting to tell him!  His immediate response was, " It can't be! I'm stopping and buying you another test." I explained to him what I always knew to be true and that was that the test can't be wrong if it shows the positive line. It can only be wrong if its negative in a case where the hCg hormone is not quite strong enough to show up. 

Brandon and I spent the whole evening and next day in shock.. So many thoughts running through our minds. How were we going to give them all the time and attention each rightfully deserved and needed?  How would we afford it?  How would we fly to visit family? One thought led to another. I had just begun to teach Zumba and was looking into it as a great second income to help pay for some upcoming expenses.  Unfortunately, I need my body for that and instead would be lending it to a little person for nine months plus!!  Brandon now had to consider putting not three but four kids through college.. and the the gender thought.... If it was another girl... that would mean three weddings! and oh the hormones! Too many females under one roof!! AHHHHHHH.  Then, like a slow walk down a very steep cliff we began to rationalize and realize that this baby was a gift.  A blessing from God. Another chicky to add to our nest of love. An answer to prayer from a question we had asked months ago discerning how many children we should have. We both always thought about how perfect it would be to have two of each and maybe this would be our second boy!

This was quite an event in our lives, but to make a long story short and turn it around 180 degrees, I'm not pregnant and not expecting a fourth child after all! After researching and looking into the possibilities of false positives, I decided to take another test. Just in case. Brandon was certain that it would be negative, but I was certain it was right the first time and would only confirm once again our news of a fourth child. Well, the test was negative and I couldn't believe it! We felt like a load of bricks had been lifted off of our shoulders and we had been given a second chance! I know, I know, it was just another baby, but as much as we smiled in accepting that it was a gift from God, we sure were happy to find that it was only a little humor from our Heavenly Father.

More than humor, after getting off of the emotional roller coaster of having our world a little shaken by an unplanned pregnancy, we were able to take a better look at our life, the way it is here and now and really appreciate every little thing about our family.  Now it seems as though each individual child has taken on a much stronger persona in knowing that Ainsley is our baby (the last), Ava Marie is our "middle child," and Austin is our "one and only" boy. Our enjoyment level of the AAA's has "tripled". We are now able to press on knowing that "this is it", so we need to pour all that we have into them and do all that we can to love them and point them towards Christ. And if we accomplish that, we can do no wrong.